The Fanta Menace (anonymuschicken) wrote,
The Fanta Menace

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yesterday while changing my pants I had an epiphany.... twice

So this is one of those things, it's probably bad enough just that I do it and I really shouldn't be sharing it with you all, but... I'm just gonna come right out and say it. Some people like to start their mornings by meditating on a verse or paragraph from The Bible, or The Daily Word, or The 365 Toa, or The I-Ching.... well, I like to start my day off by meditating on a passage from Dear Abby. No, really, I'm not quite sure how this started... well, yes I am. I always read the funnies because I'm a comics-before-news kinda guy, but the funnies are always over way too fast, especially now that our paper does them in that all-on-one-page format, so then I turn over to read Dear Abby. Then, for some reason, once I've read the column, I usually spend several minutes thinking about at least one of the letters in it. Take a passage from today, for example:

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my girlfriend, "Adrian," for two years. She has always been obsessed with my past. Recently, Adrian went through all my old letters from ex-girlfriends, dating back to early grammar school. Now she is demanding that I burn them. I have refused because she read them without permission, disregarding my privacy.
Is it wrong to keep old letters? I've always assumed it's OK until I get married -- or at least engaged. To me, the letters and notes are a "diary" of sorts. What's your opinion? -- SENTIMENTAL GUY IN IDAHO

DEAR SENTIMENTAL GUY: Your girlfriend is jealous, insecure, nosy and nervy. She has no right to "demand" anything from you. If I were you, I'd keep the letters and give Adrian a change-of-address form. In the long run, you'll be happier.

Now, my first thought here is, if the letters had only been from his most recent ex-girlfriend, things would have been different. I mean, imagine if the girl had wrote Dear Abby and been like "he still has all the letters from his last girlfriend!", Dear Abby would have been telling her to kick him to the curb. But it's not, it's letters from all his old girlfriends dating back to elementry school. Now, personally, I see nothing wrong with this. Heck, I still have the monthly diaries they made us update every week in second grade, and they make for some fun reading when you go back over them.

So of course, Dear Abby is going to tell him to kick her to the curb. I mean, it doesn't cost her anything, right? But then, you notice that this guy didn't go off about how wonderful she is or how in love they are or anything, only the time invested. See, I think this is why I like Dear Abby so much, because what these people should do is usually pretty obvious when you read it from a detached point of view in the paper, but it's not obvious to the person who's caught up in the problem. Whenever I start doubting my actions, I like to image what I'd say if I read about them in a Dear Abby article. ...yeah, so I'm probably just certifiable, but now you all have a better idea of the sort of things that run thru my head.
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