The Fanta Menace (anonymuschicken) wrote,
The Fanta Menace
anonymuschicken

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burritos, dentists, and Matt's testicles. Oh my!

I just invented a new beverage by pouring a little bit of Welsh's Red Raspberry Juice into my glass of Caffeine Free Mountain Dew. And I gotta say, this is pretty swell stuff. For those of you who think that sounds messed up, may I remind you that Mountain Dew is basically lemon lime soda with some concentrated orange juice in it. That's like how the best way to make punch is to start off with a couple two-liters of lemon-lime pop and then throw a few cans of concentrated juice into it (I like two cans fruit punch and one limeade). Of course if your me you'll throw some rainbow sherbet in their, too. You know, just lemon-lime pop with rainbow sherbet in it is the bomb. Even just the flavor is awesome. Like you know how they make Cherry 7up? Well they totally ought to make Rainbow 7up, with that orange-raspberry-lime flavor in it that rainbow sherbet has. But do you know what really kicks ass? When you make mashed potatoes, but instead of milk, you use sour cream. I kid you not. Especially when you eat them with something that sour cream goes great with anyways, like swiss steak.

I've discovered the best way to make burritos (soft tacos) is to brown some hamburger and then get you some Chili Sauce (make sure it's Chili Sauce, like Heinz or Meijer makes, and not "Ketchup with a Kick!" like Kroger's makes. If I wanted it to taste all sweet like ketchup then I'd add ketchup, you bastards! Chili sauce should just be tomato paste with onions and chilies in it) to thicken the meat up, and if you're like me you'll also add a few dashes of taco sauce for a nice mexicany flavor. If you don't buy taco sauce then just add a couple packets of Taco Bell Border Sauce (no joke, I've done that, it's good). That's some good stuff. I never understood buying packets of taco seasoning, because you still need to thicken it up with tomato sauce, and anyways taco seasoning is basically just chili powder in a fancy package, so if your going that route you might as well buy a giant container of generic chili powder like my mom does and save you a buck or two. Of course I'm obviously a "season to taste" kind of guy when it comes to my mexican food so I can see why this route doesn't work for everybody. I'll tell you what though, soft tacos is something I need to eat about once a week in order stay happy and mentally balanced (so is chicken in some form. I make pretty dang good fried chicken, too, but that's a lot of effort). I made some kick ass tacos the other day though cause I made the meat like I just said, then threw in some refried beans for good measure (we keep a food storage in our basement so we always have about ninety cans of refried beans. And about ninety cans of tuna fish. And about fifty jars of different varieties of spaghetti sauce. If only we could figure out some dish to make that involves all three, we would never go hungry during times of famine), and THEN.... I made some cheese sauce!! One time I was messing around online and I saw a recipe for macaroni and cheese from scratch, and I was just like "whoa.... THAT'S how you make cheese sauce!" It's some cheese, some milk, some butter, and a little flour. I have no idea what the actual recipe is cause I only made it once and I just totally guessed at the amounts (basically, I did milk and butter like I was making mac & cheese from a box mix, then grated some cheese and threw in a handful of flour) but it turned out pretty dang good, and i stirred that into my meat and beans mixture and was one happy burrito-eating man.

Okay, so I didn't get on here to just talk about burritos. Actually I was gonna talk about something else but mentioned my swell beverage (my glass is empty now, alas) and got side tracked. Ironically, what I was gonna talk about is my teeth. So I've not had my teeth cleaned in five years. So I'm looking thru the catalog for Sinclair (still the cheapest tuition in the state of Ohio! Celebration!) and I see they have a dental clinic where a student can clean your teeth for ten bucks. So I'm thinking okay, this is cool cause I don't have to get x-rays or any other crap, their a student so their gonna be all scared and careful and gentle, unlike dentists who do it all the time and just breeze thru it and hurt you. And best of all it's only ten bucks. So I called up, this was like ten minutes ago (well, ten minutes before I started writing this long ass journal entry), and ask if it's a walk-in thing or a appointment thing, and the lady tells me that what you do is leave your name, phone number, and last time your teeth were cleaned approximately, and they'll leave that information for the students, and one of them calls you and schedules an appointment. So far so good. Then she goes on to tell me (get this) that the appointments are scheduled for Mondays, at either 8:00 or 11:00, and it can take up to several hours for an appointment, like it might be from 8 to 11, and depending on how long it's been since you're teeth were cleaned it might take more then one appointment. Okay, look, obviously I'm not a big fan of the dentist. Now, everybody hates going to the dentist, but when I go I usually end up breaking out into a cold sweat with a death grip on the arms of the chair. The last time I went was actually about half a year ago, but not for a cleaning, it was because I'd had a filling fall out and everyone told me if you don't get it replaced right away then food you eat wears down the hole and cracks the tooth and you end up needing a root canal (shudders), so I went in, and sat their while they crammed junk into my skull for twenty minutes. They actually stopped not to far into it and asked if I was all right cause I was sweating so much and gripping the chair. Well no shit! I'm at the dentist! You want I should be whistling a cheery tune? About half a year before that, my doctor had thought their was a possibility that I had testicular cancer (believe it or not that's most common in men in my age group, like 18-24 or something like that. What all the old people die of is prostate cancer, which is different) so I had to get an ultrasound (ladies, I feel your pain) which means you have to drink a bunch of water before hand and not pee for several hours before (which would be hard for me even if i DIDN'T have to drink a bunch of water) and then this really large (not fat, just large. Like she should be in the army so she can stop tanks large) woman who I'm guessing just recently suffered a break up with her boyfriend poked around down their with incredibly cold hands, and finally she was all impatiently like "Where is it suppose to be?" Like I just make up having a lump in my testicles for jollies. And the point is, I think I still pefered that over my last dentist appointment. So now this woman is on the phone implying that I might have to spend several sessions of three hours apiece of some inexperienced klutz trying to clean my skanky teeth? I should just drop sixty bucks on some Crest Whitening Strips or something. I still gave her my information, though, cause to be honest, I'm kind of doubting any student is going to bother getting ahold of me. So with all that said and done, do you know what's sad? There’s three things I've been meaning to do this week, which are see about the ten dollar dentist thing, see about getting a haircut at this place near Second Time Around, and see about that free counseling thingamabob at Sinclair, and so far the only one I've done is call the dentist. *shakes head* So after everything I said I'd rather do then see the dentist, what does that say about my feelings towards getting haircuts?
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